Why only green beer?

St. Patrick's Day is upon us. I can tell by the steady flow of emails in my inbox from the NFL trying to sell me a green Steelers jersey. Why I would actually want a green Steelers jersey, when football season is well over with by the time March rolls around, still escapes me. Although, I do find myself eyeing a pretty cool and very green Pittsburgh Penguins hat.

Other "signs of the season" are everywhere too. Walmart is packed with irreverent "Kiss me I'm Irish" boxer shorts and a sea of kelly green pajama pants with the Lucky Charms® guy on them. Local bars are starting to extoll the virtues of Irish nachos (basically cheese fries with salsa) and the one thing that St. Patrick's Day (SPD) couldn't exist without - green beer.

Green beer is arguably the only really good thing about SPD. It is also a bit of an enigma. Even beer elitists have to admit that the novelty of green beer makes even crappy light beers seem that much more palatable. What else but SPD's secret weapon could make you forget your Old Style, Guinness or your favorite craft beers?

"Black and tan? No thanks, I'll have some of that Natural Light with green food coloring."

All this green beer has got me thinking. Why is it that we only color our beer in honor of SPD? We don't even get the day off work. Nobody ever wastes a vacation day on SPD. Nobody gets or gives presents. Nobody comes down the chimney. No giant rabbit leaving eggs full of M&Ms. So why do we color our beer for only SPD?

I'm all for comparing apples to apples so let's start our comparison with a somewhat congruent holiday - Halloween. We don't get the day off. It is a mainly adult holiday - sure the kids gets trick or treat - but let's be honest, it's a drinking holiday. So, where are the black and orange beers? Okay, some beers are already sort of orange-ish and Guinness is kind of black, but that doesn't count. Why aren't we taking crappy cheap beers and dying them? We could even throw some dry ice in there and make them all spooky.

Easter. Hmm, well maybe Easter isn't really a drinking holiday. But all the same, wouldn't it be fun to see pastel pilsners next the rack of lamb? Deviled eggs go great with beer.

Here's a good one - Fourth of July. Five words: red, white and blue beer.

I've had pumpkin beer. I guess that might sort-of count, so I'll give Turkey Day a bit of a pass. Beers are all sort of fall colored anyway.

Now we come to the mother of all holidays, and half of the work is already done. If someone were going to draft a plan for Christmas colored beers, one would assume that red and green would be the colors of choice. We already have experience with the latter, as I said, half of the work is already done. Now all we need is a little red food coloring in the Miller Light and we're off! I just can't see why this hasn't taken off.

Everyone takes the week after Christmas off - whether they actually attend work or not. There are all kinds of office parties, family Christmas parties and dinners. Throw in the fact that New Years comes practically packaged with Christmas and we are missing some serious opportunities to color our beer.

So, next week, when you're downing that clover colored Coors Light remember the holidays that don't get colored beer and try not to drop any of the cheese from your Irish nachos on your new Lucky Charms® pj's.