35 Calorie "Bread"

No sir, I don't like it.

For those that know me, it is no surprise that I would like to lose a few pounds. One of the weapons in my arsenal is 35 calorie "bread." For those of you that do not know what 35 calorie "bread" is, I present the following:

Let me start off with the fact that 35 calorie "bread" is only bread in the academic sense. I believe that the only reason bread makers (henceforth known as they) can get away with calling it bread is that they have found a way to attach bread crust to air. The crust, I believe, is the only part of the 35 calorie "bread" that is actually bread. It is also my assertion that all 35 calories dwell within the paper thin crust.

You can use 35 calorie "bread" as a bread substitute when making sandwiches. I would recommend against it and contend that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich would taste just a good on a spoon or straight out of the jar. PLUS you would be saving 35 calories.

IMPORTANT: Do not try to make toast with 35 calorie "bread"

Even the lightest settings on any toaster actually vaporizes the "bread" leaving only the crisp charred remains of the now brittle crust. Any attempt to make french toast from 35 calorie "bread" is done purely at your own risk. Actually, 35 calorie "bread" and the French have a lot in common. There's not much under their crust and nobody really wants them around.

Putting syrup on 35 calorie "french toast" is like pouring syrup on scrambled eggs and sawdust. Don't waste good syrup on this "toast." But then, if your are actually eating 35 calorie "bread" there is little chance that you are using real maple syrup. If there is one thing that is worse than 35 calorie "bread," it's lite maple flavored syrup. You know you're in for it when the manufacturers won't even use the proper spelling of light (my apologies to Miller Lite, which is actually not bad).

So, if you are looking for a way to lose weight, and you just can't totally give up bread, 35 calorie "bread" is a good substitute but so is eating broken glass.