I never tell a lie . . . that doesn't benefit me in some way.

Lies. What are lies really? Aren't all really good stories just really good lies? Think about every favorite book, short story, movie, song, poem, comic or religion you may follow - these are all littered with little lies. The fact is, most really interesting things in life don't make good stories unless the truth is stretched a little.

Take for example, my last post on this blog. I promised to post regularly. Well, that was a lie. Admittedly it was a wasted lie, as no one ever read it, but it was still a lie.

Here's another good example:

Ever watch a police television show where the only evidence that can put the bad guys away is a grainy, black and white surveillance tape? You know the story - the detective takes the tape to the department's top forensic computer genius who blows-up and "enhances" the image. The blurry unrecognizable details, having been enhanced to the quality of a Glamour Shot portrait, turn into a perfect photo of the villain.

I have worked with FBI, state and local police on criminal cases before (not a lie). They typically bring in a security tape that is black and white (shows more detail in dim light) and recorded at some ridiculous frame rate that doesn't play back on any machine other than the one that recorded it. Once you find a way to "pull" the image from the tape and make a still out of it they ask you to "enhance it."

Now, there a re a great many things that I can do to an image. This is a real conscience checking moment. I can make an image look like anything you want. . . anything. It is also important to understand that video is totally different from film or even digital photos. Film records in fields and frames. Two fields per frame and at least 24 frames per second. You never get a very good image from a security camera - even in the best conditions. You can get pretty serviceable ones though if you are lucky.

The FBI and police are interested in getting evidence for trial or at least enough to get an indictment. I was often surprised with what they considered "good." I can honestly say that I NEVER saw what it was the FBI or police were looking for. They could see things in these video Rorschach tests I just wasn't able to. They could see guns, eyes, bags, cars, loot - all I could see was a crappy video still trapped between two fields, heavily edited by Photoshop filters and "enhanced" by law enforcement imagination.

What does all this mean? If your favorite prime-time police show featured the actual limits of video enhancement technology the Crockett and Tubbs would have never got their man - unless the bad guy broke down and confessed on the stand. But that's the topic of another post.

Police dramas have to stretch the truth to make it interesting. The truth? Real police work is often slow and boring. Not every ER doctor is a crack addict and in love with their patients. It isn't always the blue wire that needs to be cut. People don't always come out of comas. A vicious bang to the head doesn't reverse amnesia. Duck season and rabbit season are not at the same time. Real monsters are not confused by dogs dressed as hair dressers. Spongebob is in fact a dish sponge made of foam and Jared didn't really lose all of that weight eating only Subway.

Where would we be without lies? Bored and without Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Coke Classic.

The moral of the story? I promise to post more often and be more entertaining in the future. . . or do I?